Everyone seems busy with their own thoughts. No one is aware of the others walking on the field too. Everyone in their own little world. I need to turn my upper body to be able to see who is walking behind me, as my feet seem glued to the rock I am standing on. I recognize most of the faces of the people walking around, up and down as if going nowhere. People I know and people I love. People I have met. People I look up to. People I respect.
I become aware of the mud in front of me and for a moment it feels as if it sucked me in like sinking sand, leaving me with no control. I loose my balance and almost fall forward, but manage to become stable without being able to lift my feet. I stare at the mud, wondering if I will be able to walk over it without being sucked in or simply just losing control.
I look around again and spot one of my friends.
"Can you please come help me? I need to take this step and I must admit, I am a bit scared to do it alone," I say to one with a bit of a laugh.
The friend looks me in the eyes, snapping out of her own world and suddenly being a part of mine, she says "Sure I'll help you. Here, let me take your hand."
With relief I wait for her to walk towards me. As soon as she takes my hand, I feel insecure and I just want to let go. It seems as if she pulls me off balance again.
"Ok, maybe you should rather go on. I will ask someone else. Thanks for your help." I call another friend, then someone else I don't even know that well, then a family member. But each time someone comes out of their little world to give me a hand in taking the step, I loose control and know I should rather not take the step with that person holding my hand to help me walk.
Between the people I see God the Father walking up and down, just like the other people. He tries to catch my eye between all the people and smiles when our eyes meet.
"Oh! I forgot that You are also here! Lord, can You please come help me take this step? I cannot manage on my own." He is so excited as He walks towards me.
"Let me give my daughter a hand here. Seems like you need a bit of help." I felt shy and guilty. Why didn't I ask Him in the first place?
As soon as He takes my hand, my feet release from the rock I am standing on. His strong hand holds mine so firmly and I feel safe. I have so much control and complete balance, yet I am sharing it with someone.
"Go on! I got you, girl!" He says and pushes me a bit forward. The mud that seems like sinking sand at first turns out to be a normal puddle of mud. I put my foot down in the mud and watches the water run over my toes. Two more steps and we are on green grass.
"There we go, that wasn't so hard, was it? I will always come when you call and I will always give you a hand when you need it. I will never leave you. Most days I am just waiting for your eyes to catch Mine, then I want to see that finger pointing at me and you calling me, all right? You always have the choice of who you want to call to help you take the next step, but I love it when you call on My name!" He winks at me, gives me a hug and goes back to His spot in the field, walking up and down.
I realize what grace is. It is that thing He does when He comes back for me- time after time, after time, after time. Walking towards me- out of the spot I have placed Him in. It is that moment when my eyes meet with His eyes and He runs towards me with such excitement. It is that reminder that He would actually love it if I can just maybe call Him again if I've got the need. It's that feeling I get when He says "Oh, even if you try and run away from Me, I will not let you go".
by Letitia Claassen on Saturday, June 12, 2010 at 3:07pm
No comments:
Post a Comment